Happy Valentines Day

Micah and I started dating back in February of 2004. Our first Valentine's day was spent at Rizzi's (on State Street in Downtown Peoria) with our friends Chris and Jessica. It was a wonderful evening and Micah thought it would be romantic to spend our first Valentine's Day as a married couple at the same place. He had it all planned out just for the two of us, but then of course i suggested our favorite couple friends join us. And although i do not doubt it would have been a wonderful night just the two of us, it was an incredible night with friends (as always).
Everyone met at our house and we piled into our jeep to head downtown. When I say piled into the jeep, i do not like. There were 4 of us sitting on top of one another in the back seat. I would put a picture up BUT we were so smushed I could not use my camera. Once we got to Rizzi's we ran in as it was rather chilly, and were seated at our table (reserved by my oh so wonderful husband) We had a wonderful dinner with our usual random conversations, and then headed back to pile in the car. This time, it was a bit tighter as we were all fairly full.

Us enjoying our dinnerBetsy and JakeJennie and Dave

Once we got back to our house we hung out and talked...and of course...played Dominoes (if you didn't guess that was going to happen, you have not read the last few posts :o) The TV didn't even get turned out. That's how you know you have wonderful friends. You are the entertainment for one another. I am so thankful for our friends and so glad we all live close enough to hang out 90% of each week. Yes, I just said that I was glad we live close to one another, which is probably as close to saying "I am glad I am back in peoria" as anyone will ever witness.

Jennie and Dave...this is Jennie's personality caught on camera. I believe the thumbs up are because she just kissed her hubby. haha Dave is such a good sport.We are so close we share husbands...haha Not really but it is not uncommon to hear Micah call Jennie babe and Dave call me babe. I think we are all together a little too much :o)Jennie and Micah being coolThe Guys being AWESOME sports with my picture taking. I think they are used to it by now, but they all actually smiled. We are still waiting for Dave to show his teeth while smiling, but a smile is enough to make us happy as of now.My favorite twins EVER. Love you both so much. Thanks for making the move back to IL enjoyable. I don't know what I would do without your love and support.

It was such a wonderful evening that Jennie and Dave ended up spending the night. Micah and Dave talked until 4:30 and Jennie and I are early to bed girls so we both fell asleep. Rather than waking Jennie, Dave just opted for staying in our guest room. Love good friends.

Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's day as well.

Marriage

Like I promised...here is my expert critique of Fireproof:

AMAZING. Probably the best movie I have ever seen and a gift from God at that. I had never heard about this movie prior to my journey to find a church here in San Diego. One of the churches I was reading about was beginning a bible study that followed this movie "Fireproof your Marriage." Intrigued I started doing research on the movie.

It was created by a church in GA who also created two other movies that I am currently trying to find so I can watch them as well. Most movies in theaters today are so....unGodly. And I myself do enjoy a good movie, but I sit and wonder how many of these movies are pleasing to God. How many of these movies would I actually want to sit and watch WITH God....not many. Now The Notebook and P.S. I Love You would probably be alright but there are so many that give us a good laugh but don't put a smile on God's face. Fireproof, however, breaks free from Hollywood.

It is about a husband and wife who 'fall out of love.' Temptation, unfaithfulness, lies, hatred, jobs, etc. come between the once 'perfect couple'. The husband, guided by his parents new found relationship with Christ, starts a journey to save his marriage. By loving his wife....not always an easy task, he then finds Christ who guides his heart the rest of the way. It was so touching to see him fight for love. And to have it all centered around Christ just reminded me of how good God in.

The acting was quite poor, and the movie itself was obviously not created by the makers of and Hollywood film, but the message allows you to ignore the weak quality and truly love a movie for the story. I want to watch it again and again and I hope that everyone who has it available in a theater close to them chooses to see it as well. the $20 we spent on tickets was well worth it.

Micah and I also signed up for a Fireproof your Marriage bible study at Shadow Mountain Community Church where we attended on Sunday. We are still praying that God will lead us to the right church for us, but feel this bible study will strengthen our marriage and allow us to let God lead us in the right direction.

Dr. David Jeremiah is not directing the bible study, however we were able to listen to him preach. I must say that I went in not too thrilled about the sermon topic but he was able to present the material in a way to reach anyone. I guess God will use ANYTHING to open doors and close them in our lives. We will see what God has for us at this church...and pray that if he wants us elsewhere he will lead us there.

Fireproof

In theaters now in the States, England you may have to wait. Anyhow, I will give you my full review when I have more time, but i recommend making time to go on a date with your husband or wife and watch this! You can watch the trailer from the link below.

Prayer Warriors

Micah and I are currently learning a lot about our relationship with Christ and how that affects our marriage. This 'learning' experience has forced us to fully rely on God in all that we do, say, and think. Prayer has become our staple. Alone or together it seems to be an ongoing conversation lately and its amazing how God has been speaking to us.

We are currently looking for a church here in San Diego. One we can call home. One that gives us the biblical leadership we need, a church family that accepts us, and a place where we can build relationship that are centered on Christ. We really want to be able to find people we can call friends. And we want those friends to be ones that will not only be earthly friends, but will be friends in heaven as well. I cannot stress how important it is for us to find these friends so that we can continue to live our lives in a Godly fashion and not stumble into worldly desires. Having friendships that are based on worldly things is only going to hinder our relationship with God. So I ask you all to pray for us as we embark on this journey. Allow God to give us wisdom in our decision of a church home, and that he will guide us to a healthy environment that will be pleasing to him.

Pray that Micah and I continue to strive for a stronger relationship that is pleasing to God. That we will love each other unconditionally just as Christ intended. Pray that we will have our hearts full of faith, love, trust, and forgiveness and that Satan will never be able to separate us. There are many prayer request that I ask you all to join us in if you will:

• To find a God centered church home
• For us to understand neither is perfect and learn to forgive time and time again as Christ does for us.
• For Sara who really needs to find Christ and be satisfied in the Love he has for her. To guide her to the righteous path of Christianity.
• For myself to work on my forgiveness and love of those who hurt me. To love my 'enemies'.
• For me to find a job that fits closely to Micah's work schedule so we can spend as much time growing as a couple as possible.
• For Micah at work where he feels lack of challenge and unhappiness, give him healthy tasks to fill his time and help him help others.
• And Thanksgiving for the amazing friends God has placed in our lives. For their support and Godly wisdom and unconditional love. I can never thank Him enough for each and every one of them, nor can I ever thank each of them for their impact on my life.

I am surrounded my Marines and Navy here in Cali, but I prefer to be a Prayer Warrior. Thanks so much for joining us on our journey! And thanks in advance for your continued prayer. I will try to keep you updated.

This is the message from last week of the church we are going to visit this coming week. Thought it was quite interesting that their message was on prayer. AND the executive pastor's son's name is Micah :o) The senior pastor was born in St. Louis AND is a Cardinals fan....I figure that will give Micah reason to believe that there is 'good teaching' at the church.
iPRAY

Real Love

I am currently reading a book called "Real Love in Marriage" by Dr. Greg Baer....and loving it. It doesn't only speak to married people but it takes his other book "Real Love" and applies it to a marriage situation. (I will be reading Real Love as soon as i finish this one! and there are about a gazillion other 'Real Love in whatever the topic' book so you should look into it)

Anyhow, on nights I cannot sleep (like this one) I just sit around and thing about Real Love and the meaning behind it. I honestly don't think any of us truly know what Real Love is unless we know God, but Baer gives us the 'Real as it can be without coming from God because it's impossible elsewhere" kinda love. So it goes like this...

He starts out explaining the difference between conditional love and unconditional love which is still a challenge of mine. Human nature just makes it ALMOST impossible to love a person without letting their looks, actions, or beliefs alter the love in any way. I see it with Micah all the time, and I will use him as an example because he is my Husband and I can.

Countless times we will be sitting around, happy as can be, and he will mess up the organized living room and not put it back in the picture perfect way it began. And for those of you who know me, this is a serious issue for an OCD organizer and cleaner. (I'm seeking help! haha just kidding) Anyhow, I go from the unconditionally love that i promised him on the alter a short 18 days ago, to frustrated. And with the frustration, I end up showing him a completely different kind of "Love". Inside I know that a mess in the living room shouldn't and doesn't change how I truly feel about him, but I show him something different. I make him believe that i conditionally love him in hopes of him 'doing better next time'....which leads me to the next part of Baer's book.

Getting and Protecting Behaviors: Lying, Attacking, Acting like a victim, Running and Clinging which give us the hope of feeling more 'imitation love' via Power, Praise, Pleasure, and safety. Basically, when we don't get the 'Real Love' we are seeking we try to make our own imitation love that fills the void temporarily. And this comes with the Getting and Protecting behaviors which don't make our hearts happy...or our relationships.

So to get this 'Real Love in Marriage' rather than an unhappy imitation love that will ruin the marriage, changes must be made. Change is hard...yes yes i know. Usually I prefer change (so I have less chance of getting attached to people, but that's another story) and find it refreshing. New things, new thoughts, new people, new places....things, people and places are easy to change, but thoughts....that's where the real challenge comes. After all, people thinking differently than one another is what causes hatred and war. So if we can learn to embrace the difference in the thinking of others, maybe it will bring a little more peace and happiness to our lives. Whether we are Right or Wrong, the only one who can truly hold us responsible for our thought and actions is God...So why make ourselves unhappy at someone else being possibly right or possibly wrong.

Rather than me trying to make Micah change because that's what "I want" because I am ALWAYS right (so not true). And rather than acting like he is the reason for my frustration (can't you see I am just a victim wishing her house was organized 24/7)...we should change how we think and then change how we react to situations. By getting angry and showing conditional love, we are only setting ourselves up for a negative reaction from those we are 'attacking'. Micah sure didn't cause my frustration towards un-organization or the slightly lived in look...but he gets the blame for it. That frustration is caused by my perfectionist attitude that has caused many issues in my life. And rather than trying to relax a little and accept things not being perfect, I drive myself insane and pass the blame on anyone who is already in that relaxed state of mind.

Basically, I get agitated too easily which only further frustrates myself, and those around me (but actually i am not the cause of their frustration, their relaxed attitude is what causes them to be upset by my uptight attitude...see how no one wins with this thinking...) So i am going to work on being more relaxed. Letting the house be tidy and clean and NOT a place that i use to feed my OCD. And when the Hubby makes a mess or doesn't put something back in alphabetical order I will just look at it differently and say our house looks lived in and loved. And NOT let him think that his actions are causing me to love him less or that he is wrong because he doesn't have to have things perfect. I don't think it is possible to love him less. I know he would do anything for me, and doesn't 'mess things up' to upset me....he just doesn't think like i think. And a mess to him would be a tornado going through a village and destroying everything, rather than the DVD rack that goes A B C D G E F....

I'm working on it!!!! I know books are not 'the answer' and people cannot tell us all we need to know, but they do make us think...

So only on page 80 out of 303....I think I will be thinking about the way i think a lot more :o)

I know this is quite rambled, but what do you expect at 4 AM?

Basically, I have always said that 'we' are the cause for 'our' unhappiness. Every time we get angry...it's our fault. Every time we let someone get to us, we could be doing something differently to change how we feel. And every time we just hate who we are and where we are in life...we can do something to change that. Things don't always go our way, but if we change our outlook on the way things went, we might find ourselves to be a little happier, a little more friendly, and a little more loving.

P.S. Hubby comes home today so we are going to start the challenge. And the only reason I am posting this is so he can help hold me accountable when i start to let my OCD take over.

Homesick for the Hubby

It's been a long long time since i have been....alone. Really Alone. I had been used to living alone Senior year when I had my apartment to myself. It definitely had its perks but I got lonely quite often. After school was out it was back to Peoria for me. And that meant back to living with my dad, my sister, and my kitty....and little neighbor kids. It was kind of nice coming home every day from babysitting, school, or running errands and being greeted by kiddos wanting to play. I found it humerous when they would act like they were ignoring my presence but riding their bikes in circles around my car...and when i said hello they would act so suprised that i even noticed them. Then it was instant chatter box until i finally had to excuse myself to empty my hands inside. Their parents would always come out when i was playing baseball with them or just humoring them with a little hide and seek and appologize for their annoying kids. "You do NOT have to play with them!! They have toys and other friends they don't need to bother you!" But i enjoyed it so when time allowed I was perfectly content being a kid for a while.

Neighbor dogs...there were ALWAYS dogs in our yard, and while i don't particularly like dogs, they seemed like family.

And of course my friends. Not that there are many 'friends' in the peoria area that i spend time with, but the few are definitely the best. And if there was nothing for me to do I could often be found and their houses acting as if i belonged to their families. I liked it that way!

Then I got married, moved away and everything changed.

Now don't get me wrong. I DO NOT miss Illinois. Really I don't, but I miss having people around. The last week i have found that being alone was never a favorite thing of mine. Especially in a strange place. I was fine the first day or two after Micah left...because I had my Liz here. But then when she left, the cleaning and organizing was complete, and all the laundry was done, i realized how alone I really was. CAT needs to send my Hubby back to me.

Micah and i were never really around each other while we were dating. Here and there we would visit, but we had very busy, separate lives that didn't allow us to 'be together'. After getting married i knew that would all change. I would ALWAYS have someone I love with me. And then 4 days later that proved to be false...and off to Europe he went.

Something has to change. I either need a job ASAP so i have friends and activitiy to keep me busy while he leaves me at least 10 days every month, or i need a kid to play with while he is gone...I guessing the job is the best bet because a kid is going to take AT least 9 months to get here and I definitely cannot wait that long. So i guess the job wins...after the honeymoon of course.

Last night was my breaking point. After sleeping less and less each night last night, sleep was impossible. I don't enjoy neighbors laughing and yelling outside my bedroom window at 2 in the morning. I don't like (HATE) smokers and the stench they bring to the world....and i really don't like when they throw their cigarette butts onto my patio because it is conveniently below or next to theirs. I don't like people who vaccum at 3 AM and seem to be very persistant in one spot OVER my bed. And i really don't like when people sleep with the TV on and don't care that the neccesary volume is 14 and they have theirs at 44. Seriously people. So after sleeping soundly from 12-2 and then being so rudely woken I was not exactly a happy camper this morning. Now is when the missing the Hubby comes into play because he would have yelled at someone. I on the other hand would never yell at a neighbor unless i had someone living with me. But being alone in an apartment where if i died no one would notice makes me think it is not a good idea to be pissing neighbors off.

So Hubby....skip the tool show in Chicago...screw CAT and GET HOME NOW :o) CAT will only be on my good side when they send us over seas so i can travel.

Love you and miss you....
If anyone wants to join me at the pool today I would love it, I will hopefully be the one sleeping in the sun.